You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
