You work out of a Hotel?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
