Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
