yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
