i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
