it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize