she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
