No awkward lesbian experiences without me
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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