Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
