Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize