Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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