I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
