I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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