alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
