Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
