I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
