Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
