I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
