She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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