I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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