I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
