My room smells like vodka and shame
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
