Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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