A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
