My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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