i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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