Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
