Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
