it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
