Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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