First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
