So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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