I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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