Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
