i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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