Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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