Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
