remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
