I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
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