We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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