9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
