the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
