Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
