Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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