Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
