Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
