Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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