My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize