for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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