I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
