I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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