Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
and i looked up. we had an audience...
it's like iHOP with fire
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
