Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
