I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
