Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i think i have two assholes
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
