We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
A+ Viking dick
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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