I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
she pinky promised me she was 18
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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