I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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