Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Less talking, more tequila
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
