Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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