I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
