check it out our google latitudes are spooning
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
