Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
