Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
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