i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize