so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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