Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
